(no subject)

[americankitten]

---[I want to write out love, but not just L-O-V-E... Maybe just a little white lie to give it a splash. Make it twisted and lit up and oh god.... It would just turn into chaos. I want to sit in dark and just be SILENT.... let my mind make it's music, for only me to hear. Maybe that would help you understand my love. Silence or loudness, which is it? Well you're not there to hear it so does it matter? My rain cloud is disappearing... the book is closing... I stand and watch your grave, wondering who's blowing the wind....]---

I'm coming down from that peculiar high I had this morning. The Pepsi is helping. God I hate Pepsi, I hate its repetitiveness, but I keep downing it in 12 oz. gulps....  I don't even feel like myself. I feel like the day I was happy because he asked me out and he kissed me before I got on my bus home........... Then I called him when I got home an hour and a half later and he broke up with me because it didn't feel right..... God, I was so silent. I just hung up, didn't say a word. I didn't say a word that whole day or the next when I had to face him again....... I thought I would start crying if I even breathed.... So I made it to where I didn't try as hard to live... cuz just then it didn't feel necessary....

But that was last year. He hasn't broken my heart yet this time. I don't even know why I feel so silent though. Was it because both of my brothers made me walk uphill back home while they had their bikes? The light was on to cross the street, but my brother was on the other side, so I decided to cross the other way....... I didn't look at him. I got on google and told Parker that even though he told me to call him when I got home, I might not.........

What's wrong with me? Why is my heart broken? There's no explanation, no excuse, yet it's barely beating..... barely dancing anymore. Maybe I just need to let it die tonight when I sleep, and maybe it'll come back to life tomorrow?

Comments

[rabbithabit12.livejournal.com]

that's because they don't have one lol

[america220.livejournal.com]

seriously. Sometimes I swear.... ugh. But they can be sweet too ^.~