I wish...

In sophomore year (I'm a senior now)Parker asked me to marry him and gave me a ring. I didn't know if he was serious or not, but I said yes anyways and kept the ring. Nothing extravagant, something he found in his house. I would always spin it when I was thinking. I loved the ring and the person linked to it.

And then I lost it. I think it was in Junior year, at the very beginning that I lost it. I remember washing my hands, then going back to that sink, and it wasn't there. Parker was heartbroken that I lost it. I was too. I let him down somehow. =[

But this morning, I found it!! ^_^ It surprised me. My thoughts were a million miles away from the ring. But I was cleaning the counters and there it was, in plain sight. So yay!


Later, mom's friends came to set up some little jewelry party. That why we had been cleaning at nine in the morning. I stood on the stairs and thought for a second that I could join them and make some jewelry too. I wanted to for a second. I imagined myself sitting in the middle of older, unfamiliar women, being the quiet on in the middle of gossip about strangers. Mom and some of the others would talk about God and prayers and blessings. I imagined myself silently resenting every word they said, something inside me screaming at me to run away from that group.

Then I didn't want to join them anymore. I silently continued my way up the stairs.

I decided not to avoid everybody in my room today. Went to the store, took photos in the park, cleaned up the house. And today has been pretty hectic.

It started out calm and everything. Isis invited me to go to the store with her. We went. I got a rockstar ^_^ Then I went home for a little, then took all those pictures. Came home, Nothing much happened.

Then we started cleaning the downstairs for a birthday party tomorrow. In the evening. It was actually pretty sane at first. usually all my little brothers complain and there's a lot of fighting. But today for like an hour it was fine. Mom was in a good mood (she loves cleaning and taking care of her home), which put everyone else in a good mood.

I probably wouldn't have noticed the serenity if it hadn't been shattered. I was sweeping the tiles in front of the front door. Worth, the biggest and oldest younger brother, Had this curtain rod, with a knob on the end. I guess he was just standing there and swinging it around (He always imagines he's samurai) and the knob flew off at broke the window above behind him. I wasn't even looking. I had my head down and heard this huge POP! I look at Worth, then at the window, and then at the glass covered carpet.

And then mom had this HUGE fit. I don't blame her though. Today she was actually calm and controlled, but when that happened she just stood there and started crying. She started chastising him and dad came out of his room and yelled at Worth, and Atticus (next youngest brother) and I just watched. I looked at Atticus and he was hiding his smile behind a cd he was holding. I looked back down and grinned too.

And after the crying mom started yelling at everybody. Except me, who was hiding in the bathroom, cleaning the counters and sink. I listened to everything she was shouting and didn't feel scared for once, because I knew who it was directed at. She was going on about paying for that and school and how everything was already broken in the house (Our appliances HATE us) and how everybody scattered when she was yelling and she was all alone again.

Soon after she gathered herself.

Then I found a scorpion. We sprayed for scorpions not a week ago.

She went up to her room and later I heard her crying on the phone to a friend "I hate this house..." Not her house. This house. =/ yea.

Esta mi vida para tu.   Forgot grammar in Spanish lol.


Oh, and oldest to youngest-

Dad, Mom, Me (17), Worth(15), Atticus (13), Baxter(10) and Holden(7 soon)