Can't sleep, here come the thoughts

[americankitten]

 Fuck. A ton of stuff going through my head tonight. I was just laying there thinking about work, and that got to more serious thinking. Note to self: Don't think about your money problems while trying to go to sleep. Then I briefly remember what happened yesterday and then I'm suddenly wide awake. Fuck. 

You guys ever do that? 

With my job: I need a change. For about six weeks now, I've been a combo courtesy clerk/cashier. At a grocery store. I'm either really busy juggling that, or I'm stuck with nothing to do because I'm there as the "just in case" girl. Today was fucking boring. I was walking around in circles for like, three hours. Trying to look busy. I was not needed at all, because we had enough clerks and enough cashiers. It made me realize that I need to change something around here with my job situation. Either get a second job, or become a cashier (which means a raise, which I have not gotten), or just leave all together. Become a waitress somewhere. 

Then I start thinking about what my roommate said to me yesterday. He confessed to me that he's liked me a long time. Like, since we met back in freshman year in high school. He's my roommate, and best friends with my boyfriend. All three of us have known each other all this time. And we live together. Now I know that he likes me, it doesn't help. It leads to the third thing keeping me awake.....

Me and my boyfriend. I've probably addressed this before, but. We've been together a long time. 5 or 6 years. And we're not even engaged. We've become content. And I hate contentment. I like change. Excitement. See the first segment about my job situation. I hate being stuck, and I've been stuck for a while now. I really want to see other people, flirt, kiss someone else, maybe even have sex with someone else. I never did that in high school. I was with my bf. I never got the chance, and now I really really just wanna flirt and all of that shit. I want to seduce someone. The bf and i have talked about it, but we kind of decide we're wary of the decision and decide not to do it. I'm getting to the point where I don't care. I want to seduuuuuce someoneeeeee dammit

and now I'm just all angsty and uuuuuggghhhh and don't know what to do. I want to go to my roommate and kiss him. Seduce him. I would never ever ever do that because that would be really fucking awkward. But this contentment has me in this kind of cabin fever where I'm attracted to like, everyone, and don't care what they're like, I just wanna seduce. I wanna feel sexy. I don't feel sexy. Dammit.