americankitten: (Default)
 now i feel really bad for laughing because he's serious and I just don't fucking know what to do. I just... can't. like, i feel really bad. 

and also very confused. 

just gonna update on this post from now on because the story keeps evolving. it's kinda getting creepy now. slightly. 

he just told me he basically dated this girl because she reminded him of me. Should I be scared yet? 

but he's like a brother to me why am i so... happy? 
or am i just nervous? overwhelmed? I know I'm gonna be confused about this for a long time. 

now I really can't fucking sleep. 

he's practically my brother. help him concentrate on someone else. Not me. 
there you go. just stop talking about kissing cuz it's a bit creepy.  ew ew ew ew 

dammit he said those three words. he told me "i love you" 
i logged out of facebook right after that. 
i need to sleep. i just..... sleep time. done. done done DONE. 
americankitten: (Default)
But I wanted to post it again. I like it. It's still true.


As everyone else wishes, I too want to be "normal". And yet, I am still an outsider; being the quiet one, the small one, the one that blends with the wall. Nobody comes up to me anymore. I guess I don't matter that much.

It makes me not want to be "normal"; because normal means invisible. So I want to paint my hair red. I want to brings hats into style for girls. I want to stand out for my skills; poetry, photography, and love.

Yes. LOVE. It takes some skill to get used to it. To trust and be trust worthy. To figure out the other person. I'm not saying it takes a while to fall in love. I don't really know. But to love, that takes some input of some sort.

As is "normal", I want to proceed. I want to make progress, just as everyone else is. I am being teased that I don't have a job, that I can't drive. That I'm not already done with High school and already at the next step. I feel myself stuck, wanting. Which needs intention. Which needs desire. Which needs love. So what does that mean?

And this also. Edo will get this because we were talking about too much faith.

As long as people believe in absurdities they will continue to commit atrocities. -Voltaire


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