americankitten: (Default)
So last night I went to the bar with James. He was all worried about his girlfriend because she said "We need to talk". So all night we hung out, played D&D, then at the end they talked.

Natalie came to the bar to see me. She had just gotten off work and needed to unload her emotions too, so while the couple talked, I talked with her about her relationship.

Both of them are in a spot where they have to wait and see.

In Nat's situation, I told her to put it on the back burner and focus on her life. She has two delivery jobs and a cam job. She's not making much money and needs to find stability in her situation before worrying about boys.

In James's situation, he's financially stable. He's emotionally like a charging bull. He loves her and if it goes badly I will be in for all of his emotional turmoil. I'm okay with that. But boy it's going to be bad.

Oh. On the way home James mentioned that he has nightmares, but not just about his ex. Most nights he has nightmares about when he was in the airforce. He had to go to a plane crash and pick up the pieces. With a gas mask on so he wouldn't die. At the time he didn't think it was that bad, but now it gives him nightmares. He also has other stuff he doesn't tell anybody. Well, after he told me that I admitted to him that the first four years after my mother's death is a blank spot for me. Slowly things come back to me, and i'll go over them in my head and come to terms that my childhood isn't that great. But that's for me only. I don't tell anyone else. Not even Parker, who I've been with for 8 years.
americankitten: (Default)
I found my journal from sophomore year last night. I was reading it and damn. There are about 400 hand written pages from the first day of school to may something. DAMN.

I skipped to certain parts and read. All these emotions came up when I read them. Like when I got grounded FROM my room. Or when some kid that didn't even know my name came up behind me and started playing with my hair. I had turned to look at him, and he put his arm down. I had quirked my head to the side as if to ask "HUH?" and he just nodded at me. ???

But yeah, it was interesting. And I don't want to stop writing a hand written journal. It's fun. Yay! ^_^

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americankitten

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