Oct. 14th, 2013 09:51 pm
americankitten: (Default)
 The music was pounding, surrounding us in a vibrant, hot embrace. People were jumping, dancing, moving to the music, and I was a part of them. I thought I felt so alive, so existent. The thumping, resounding energy exhausted me, and the song was just too long, I had to stop jumping for a second, to catch my quickening breaths. Swung my head to catch the whole atmosphere and make it stick to me for a while. 

Her eyes caught mine like the blazing north star leading me home. Stuck in her gaze, my breathing was suddenly forgotten. The music, forgotten. Everything, gone. She was standing there, turned and looking at me, watching my movements, nodding her head to the music. Or nodding at me with the music? I'm not sure anymore, my head is buzzing with a new kind of energy, a new kind of existence. 

A new song starts and her body twists back to the stage, excitement lighting up her entire face. It must be her favorite, because she puts her head down, and arms up, and is really moving to the music now. Hips are swaying and her head is swinging, and I suddenly get the strongest urge to hold her waist as she jives. I decide "What the hell." and go for it. I make my way over to her, and she glances back at me. She knows, and she accepts it, even smiles a little as I reach my hand out.

Her waist is warm and soft, moving to the music in such a tantalizing way. I put my other hand on her, and I'm close enough to smell her hair. 

"You feel so nice, and smell even better...." 

I freeze, dead in my tracks, unable to move. An uneasy feeling creeps it way into my very bones, a chill that is deep and dark. She didn't say that. Her mouth didn't open at all when I heard her. 

She turns around and faces me, surprise in her eyes. Disbelief. Denial. 


americankitten: (Default)
 So, Niko never came over that night. Ah well. He had broken his little toe by dropping a brick on it. 

Last night was the twins' birthday party, and they turned 21, so naturally there was drinking. Needless to say, I got drunk. Like, drunk drunk, for the first time. Not tipsy. Drunk. It felt weird, because by the time I was going home, my tongue was feeling fat and going numb and dry and my world wouldn't stop spinning. But i somehow managed to walk to the front door, unlock it, and get into bed. 

Then I woke up four hours later for work! 

Work was fun, as usually. Same bullshit, different day. 

Puppy got spayed on Friday, and two days later she's already back to her old self. I have to keep an eye on her though, because sutures. In her tiny little belly. She also had two of her baby teeth taken out because the adult teeth were already growing in. >.<; So I have been giving her lots of hugs and cuddles and love. 
Tomorrow I work a nine hour shift and I really should be going to sleep right now, but all I want to do is write. :\
americankitten: (Default)
 So tonight I'm hanging out with friends at my house. I also invited Niko over. He's a clean freak, and I really like him, so I'm going to be cleaning when I get home tonight before he comes over! And my friends get to meet him, which means I get to see how he reacts when meeting new people as well. We only hang out with each other, him and me, nobody else, so it'll be interesting. I wonder if he likes Vodka, because that's what we'll be drinking. 
americankitten: (Default)
 I now own that album, Hesitation Marks by Nine Inch Nails. It's an amazing album that makes me very happy. Best $16 I've ever spent. I love listening to his voice, hearing the words he's put to the unique beats he creates so beautifully. 

She's just laying here behind me, sometimes kicking me to stretch out. I love her so much. 

I had so much else to write, but now I can't remember any of it. Ah well, I'll get back to you guys later then. :D

Check out my tumblr, http://messmeriz-ed.tumblr.com
americankitten: (Default)
 First, can I tell you how sad and distraught I am that I can't get Satellite by NIN on my phone? Really depresses me. 

But other than that, I am floating! I told him last night that I like him, and he said he likes me back! We kept going on about what we like about each other. It was amazing and now every time I think of his face I just grin. Part of me thinks it's all one big act to get me, then when he has me it'll all stop and he won't be amazing anymore, but then I think of that look he gives me, the one where I have his full attention, and I just melt. Every time I think of his silly little jokes I want to laugh again. God I want to touch him. His most amazing features are his facial hair, his legs, and his smile. 

In other news, we have two new people starting to day at work. On a holiday. Hope they learn fast because I won't have the time to teach them everything in detail. 
americankitten: (Default)
I just need to write it all out. My attraction to a guy who doesn't really talk to me. My disappointment in bed with my boyfriend. These thoughts telling me to bore him. To let him know he doesn't excite me anymore, and I damn well know I don't excite him anymore. We're content, and I don't want it anymore. I want excitement, something new and exotic. I want to let Niko know that I like him but... I can't. I'm afraid he doesn't like me back, he's just being nice, calling me beautiful, that he likes my smile, and that no matter what we're doing he'll enjoy it because he'll be with me. I am just confused and I'm trapped in this bubble and I'm this fucking close to telling him I like him. 

(What the fuck I'm enjoying country music now? I must be losing it.)

What should I do? Wait? do it? :\
americankitten: (Default)
 I went with a close friend to China Town today, to promote a Maid Cafe she is a  part of. I also just wanted to get out of the house for a few hours, and this was the perfect opportunity. After a day of playing games on the computer and wandering to the library in the summer heat, my friend picked me up outside my apartment in the evening. She told me right away that she doesn't like driving because she gets lost easily, and I assured her we would figure it out with my smartphone. We ended up getting a little turned around anyway.

When we got to the meeting spot, there were only two other members from the group, dressed up as maids. One girl had red hair, the other had grey braids. They started talking about their day, and I looked around the China Town Mall, my mind wandering. When would the others arrive? I was thirsty and curious, because i had never been there before, and I was also internally berating myself because I had no money to buy anything at this cute little mall with all of its pretty little key chains and Asian drinks. Oh well, I would have to window shop and suffer through my conscious berating me throughout the evening. 

After the others arrived, they realized that nobody had printed out any flyers, and my friend didn't even have her flash drive with the file on it. They had no way to print out the flyer that my friend had spent all night designing. So after talking about it, everyone decided to go to a store in the mall that sold little journals, notebooks, pens and pencils. They all chose a few little notebooks, and we wrote out little invitations to the Maid Cafe while sitting on the huge stairway in the entrance of the mall. After twenty minutes of hand-cramping work, we had our flyers. 

That's when I realized where they were going to advertise their group: At a burger truck. The leader thought the crowd would be young, hip, and the right kind for a maid cafe run by college student. But when we found it two streets over, the only crowd there was a DJ, some parents with their kids, and the type of guys you wold see in a street race meet up. Not the right kind of crowd at all.

The group stood around awkwardly for a few minutes, and that's when my friend and I had to leave this small adventure to return home. We took a few flyers, promising we would put them on some cars, and said goodbye to the group. 

All in all, it was a fun little event. That's it though. Not exciting, not amazing. A little fun, something to do out of the house. And we did put some flyers on cars, along with photos for proof.

americankitten: (Default)
 I just found a program that edits and records videos! Makes the process a bit easier. I don't know what to post videos about though. What should I talk about guys?!?! I'm so hyped. 

Other than that, nothing really is going on. Boyfriend left for Cali yesterday. I'm jealous..... 

Oh, and I am really leaning towards asking my company if they can support me for college! I'm really thinking about going into photojournalism. The only major thing I'm really worried about is transportation, but if I need to I can take a bus to the one across town. I honestly don't think the buses connect to the one closer to me. And I really don't want to go to University if it costs more. 

If I do go back, I'm gonna change from Abnormal Psychology to Photojournalism. Seriously, psychology is too flooded, and photojouralism is just so much more adventurous, and that's what I need right now. 

Another plus to this whole thing is that work would cut down my hours so I could get schooling, and I'm so happy about that. I'm there so much these days I get sick of it. I get songs from work stuck in my head when I wake up in the morning. >.<

So yeah, I'll ask about it tomorrow! :D
americankitten: (Default)
 I've been dreaming of houses lately. Large house that go on forever, a house that has a beach outside, a house with a courtyard in the middle. Living with happy people, having space, having fun. I can't wait to get out of this small apartment with a roommate who just doesn't care for his roommates or his surroundings. I just want to leave. 

Today I might go to PetCo. Either Parker will take me, or I will take the bus, I don't know. Either way, I am going over there and I am buying some anxiety medicine for my puppy, so she doesn't shit in her cage anymore. I hope it works. I'm going to get those treats that are time release, since I work long days. 

I really want to start art journaling as well, but I have no idea what I would make and I don't have that much money to begin with. :\
americankitten: (Default)
 Parker leaves on Wednesday for California with his cousins. They're going to the orange county fair, and I am a wee bit jealous. He gets a week off and cool weather while I get angry customers and less than social roommates. 

Listening to Trent Reznor's voice puts every fucking worry to rest for three minutes at a time and I should definitely listen to his music much more often. 

I'm off for the next two day and my plans for tomorrow are to get puppy anxiety medicine. I will have to leave her in her cage, and i will be taking the bus. I'll make sure to listen to plenty of music on my trip, observe, get inspired, and write. That's all I want to do, is write more than I've ever written before. So that's the game plan tomorrow. :)

Work was just so... out of sync today. everyone was off the ball, including me. I accidentally gave the customer her money back in cash instead of on her card because I was rushed and she kept asking "Do I slide it now? Can I slide it?" So I pushed the cash button without thinking. Oh well. Then I had so many freaking returns that I feel bad for us. At least it wasn't ten pounds of rotting meat this time though. Two coworkers were late because they were confused about their schedule, the line chart wasn't up, and everyone would take a break when it got busy. Not intentionally. Coincidentally. It was just a very long 7 hour day and I'm glad it's over with and I can enjoy sleeping in tomorrow. ^_^

Music is my fucking savior right now and I should just sit back and read my Anne Sexton book. :D


Jul. 25th, 2013 09:16 am
americankitten: (Default)
 Man I wish I had my own room, or at least my own little office space where I can paint and draw and be on the computer in peace. This little window seat is too small for me to do anything besides sit on the computer and sleep. I had a nice dream last night where we had this huuuge house with lots and lots of rooms, and I was looking for the right one for me, but all of them were either not right, or not free. 

Lately I've been daydreaming of just saving up my money and running away. Starting a new life somewhere else in the country. Just move to a small town, get a room somewhere, and make new friends. 
americankitten: (Default)
I can't take it anymore! I'm going to spend this money I have. I'm going to buy things that will help me start making art journals! That's right. That's how creative I'm feeling today. I'm gonna order stuff and then wait for it to come in and then create! 
americankitten: (Default)
So I looked at the schedule for work, and I'm labeled as backup labor. :(

I know it isn't a big deal, but it just rubs salt in the wound a little more, you know?
americankitten: (Default)
The past couple of days have been pretty much normal. Roommate went on a date with a girl and really enjoyed himself, then spent the rest of his day at his friend's house and or at work. Me and the boyfriend had amazing sex. I'm on the pill, so that's probably why. Now I'm going to work 7 hours today, then come home and color some more, because that's all I want to do. Sleep and color. And eat candy.
americankitten: (Default)
Wow. So that's what amazing sex feels like.
americankitten: (Default)
 now i feel really bad for laughing because he's serious and I just don't fucking know what to do. I just... can't. like, i feel really bad. 

and also very confused. 

just gonna update on this post from now on because the story keeps evolving. it's kinda getting creepy now. slightly. 

he just told me he basically dated this girl because she reminded him of me. Should I be scared yet? 

but he's like a brother to me why am i so... happy? 
or am i just nervous? overwhelmed? I know I'm gonna be confused about this for a long time. 

now I really can't fucking sleep. 

he's practically my brother. help him concentrate on someone else. Not me. 
there you go. just stop talking about kissing cuz it's a bit creepy.  ew ew ew ew 

dammit he said those three words. he told me "i love you" 
i logged out of facebook right after that. 
i need to sleep. i just..... sleep time. done. done done DONE. 
americankitten: (Default)
 aaaaand he just confessed to me over facebook (he's pratically ten feet away) that he's in love with me. and that he would have kissed me had he not just fessed up over chat tonight. 


americankitten: (Default)
 Fuck. A ton of stuff going through my head tonight. I was just laying there thinking about work, and that got to more serious thinking. Note to self: Don't think about your money problems while trying to go to sleep. Then I briefly remember what happened yesterday and then I'm suddenly wide awake. Fuck. 

You guys ever do that? 

With my job: I need a change. For about six weeks now, I've been a combo courtesy clerk/cashier. At a grocery store. I'm either really busy juggling that, or I'm stuck with nothing to do because I'm there as the "just in case" girl. Today was fucking boring. I was walking around in circles for like, three hours. Trying to look busy. I was not needed at all, because we had enough clerks and enough cashiers. It made me realize that I need to change something around here with my job situation. Either get a second job, or become a cashier (which means a raise, which I have not gotten), or just leave all together. Become a waitress somewhere. 

Then I start thinking about what my roommate said to me yesterday. He confessed to me that he's liked me a long time. Like, since we met back in freshman year in high school. He's my roommate, and best friends with my boyfriend. All three of us have known each other all this time. And we live together. Now I know that he likes me, it doesn't help. It leads to the third thing keeping me awake.....

Me and my boyfriend. I've probably addressed this before, but. We've been together a long time. 5 or 6 years. And we're not even engaged. We've become content. And I hate contentment. I like change. Excitement. See the first segment about my job situation. I hate being stuck, and I've been stuck for a while now. I really want to see other people, flirt, kiss someone else, maybe even have sex with someone else. I never did that in high school. I was with my bf. I never got the chance, and now I really really just wanna flirt and all of that shit. I want to seduce someone. The bf and i have talked about it, but we kind of decide we're wary of the decision and decide not to do it. I'm getting to the point where I don't care. I want to seduuuuuce someoneeeeee dammit

and now I'm just all angsty and uuuuuggghhhh and don't know what to do. I want to go to my roommate and kiss him. Seduce him. I would never ever ever do that because that would be really fucking awkward. But this contentment has me in this kind of cabin fever where I'm attracted to like, everyone, and don't care what they're like, I just wanna seduce. I wanna feel sexy. I don't feel sexy. Dammit. 
americankitten: (Default)
Reallyyyy thinking about hexing my roommate just because he is a major ass. He is bigoted, bossy, talks shit all the time, and everyone is sick of his shit. We are already making plans to move out without him, and our lease isn't up till March. MARCH! So yeah, I just want to quiet him down and shut off his self centered brain. Make him realize that he lives with the people he's so uptight with, and he doesn't have to show off all the time. How though? Hmmmm.....

Will be thinking about it all day.
americankitten: (Default)
I never go on here anymore! What is up with that? :/

Sorry about that guys. I've been neglecting everyone!

Life has been pretty busy. Just working, pretty much moved of from UC to cashier (not officially though, boo), and I got a puppy three days ago! Her name is Stella and she's the most adorable thing in the whole world, when she's not peeing or pooping in the house. She's an American Eskimo, white fur, curled tail, adorable puppy smile. I will post pictures later! :D Right now she's sleeping in her kennel right next to our bed.

I've been pretty avidly learning and reading up on witchcraft as well. I'm kinda interested in urban witchcraft, but I'm kind of dabbling and reading everything right now. I can't find much on urban witchcraft anyways. I'm limited, so I can't really practice much of what I do. I have a boyfriend who doesn't like that kind of stuff and finds it weird. Looked up numerology the other night, going to look up different types of divination right now. If puppy stops chewing up her training pad.....

If there are any other witchfolk around here, what kind of divination do you prefer?


americankitten: (Default)
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